Whilst

The second word to be obliterated from popular discourse is whilst.

If you use whilst, it's because you're probably a writer, and you think you are invoking Shakespeare. Well, good game, because you just exposed yourself as a huge tool. I don't care if you are British, American, or from down under--or all three, like me--the word "whilst" should stay precisely where you retrieve it from: your arse.

Let's be fair: there's no person who thinks in whilst. Let's examine the thought-process behind using the word. Imagine you're writing:

"So there I was, mowing the lawn..."

I was going to write while, but instead I'll write whilst, because it's avant-garde and sophisticated.

"So there I was, mowing the lawn whilst smoking a fag."

Notice the intentional use of another British anachronism and the resulting subtext.

This reminds me of another popular sophism: declaring whether or not your puns are intended. This embodies the same principle as writing whilst instead of while. It wastes time and distracts the reader.



So there you have it. Declaring your puns is lame. Using the word whilst, equally. Why? The crux is simply because you are wasting time trying to be clever. The world would be a better place if more people were like Jack Kerouac, and didn't filter (or attempt to augment) their thoughts with superficies.

So, begone whilst, ye arbitrary Olde English device, less thee shall.. you get the point.