Elusive

Next up is this word: elusive. It must die.

This is due, in large part, to Joe Rogan’s ostentatious and superfluous (speaking of which, using two long words that essentially mean the same thing IS the definition of each word!) use of the word during mixed-martial arts broadcasts. So, my annoyance is somewhat niche.

The straight truth is that whenever someone analyzes UFC light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida they say “Omgosh, he’s so elusive,” regurgitating the adjective Rogan uses endlessly to describe him.

Again, the effect snowballs, and now, the word must cease to be a word, remaining only a vague memory of disconnected symbols.

Elusive. Evasive. Use the one that gets used less often. It helps to educate those people who would otherwise unthinkingly use the other word… what was it?

I can’t.. elu… elus… elucidate what it was. Honk honk!

Here's a link to a thread on the foremost mixed-martial arts forum lampooning the excessive use of the word on UFC's broadcasts. Apparently these fans are playing a drinking game, imbibing each time the commentators use the word.

For counterargument's sake, here's Lyoto getting lamped by Shogun Rua:

Here's Lyoto elucidating his defensive style:

Plethora

This week, I will be abolishing a couple more words from our collective lexicon. First up is this word: plethora.

Why plethora? Because there are zounds of words that mean the same thing, but no one uses anything but plethora.

Off the top of my head, here are some synonyms: myriad, zounds, legions, an abundance, innumerable. Okay, so I can’t recall a lot of them.

But, here are some more: surfeit, deluge, plenty, surplus, bounty.

So, quite simply, there are many different colorful words to express the same thing. But most people just use plethora, which causes most other people to use plethora. It perpetuates itself. I’m tellin’ ya, that’s how evil this word is. It self-multiplies!

Avoid mob mentality; use different words. Especially synonyms that may or may not exist, like googleplex, because, at the very least, you are provoking thought from your listeners, and keeping your own brain warmed up.

Whilst

The second word to be obliterated from popular discourse is whilst.

If you use whilst, it's because you're probably a writer, and you think you are invoking Shakespeare. Well, good game, because you just exposed yourself as a huge tool. I don't care if you are British, American, or from down under--or all three, like me--the word "whilst" should stay precisely where you retrieve it from: your arse.

Let's be fair: there's no person who thinks in whilst. Let's examine the thought-process behind using the word. Imagine you're writing:

"So there I was, mowing the lawn..."

I was going to write while, but instead I'll write whilst, because it's avant-garde and sophisticated.

"So there I was, mowing the lawn whilst smoking a fag."

Notice the intentional use of another British anachronism and the resulting subtext.

This reminds me of another popular sophism: declaring whether or not your puns are intended. This embodies the same principle as writing whilst instead of while. It wastes time and distracts the reader.



So there you have it. Declaring your puns is lame. Using the word whilst, equally. Why? The crux is simply because you are wasting time trying to be clever. The world would be a better place if more people were like Jack Kerouac, and didn't filter (or attempt to augment) their thoughts with superficies.

So, begone whilst, ye arbitrary Olde English device, less thee shall.. you get the point.

Meme

It's natural for people to want other people to think they're smart. That's why we all use words like "meme". In doing so, we show that we know stuff you don't, like what a "meme" is.

And what it is is this: basically, a colloquialism or saying that is so tiredly overused that mostly everyone has heard (or seen) it at some point and hates it. It's basically something that is so retarded that ultimately everyone thinks it's bloody hilarious.

The kid coming home from the dentist: internet meme.

"All your base are belong to us"= meme. Etc.

Memes themselves are alright. But using the word is wholly pretentious. Most people won't know what the hell you're talking about, so what's the point? Let's just call them "stupid sayings", or describe them old-fashionedly as "viral videos", or "that thing from the Internets".

But yeah. Meme, it was a brilliant career, but you're done. You suck!

Diahrea of the keyboard

This is my blog about words that suck. For instance, "meme". It sucks. Also, this word: "troll". Totally overused. Words lose their significance once they become cliche. It's important to stop using words before they become cliche so that you can tell people you are a maverick. Speaking of maverick: That word sucks!