copacetic

Copacetic.

The four syllable word that means "okay".

Yeah, that's definitely a necessity in the English lexicon. Oh, my biting sarcasm.

It's not as if there are words like "fair", "average", "content", "alright", "well", or even the omnipresent "good" which would suffice otherwise.

So it's the same notion as my prior whilst post, which stated graphically, "In the time it you to type "whilst", you could have typed something else. Dumbass!"

Instead of saying copacetic, just say one of the several other words your synapses recalled first, so you don't sound like a pretentious douche-nozzle.

Glad I could help. God, I am a smug 'unt!

burger

BURGER. Say it ten times. Burger.

Perhaps no other word--phonetically or meaningfully--symbolizes the plight of American society. Yeah, that's a bold statement, now, I'll try to back it up.

First off, burger is an abbreviation of "hamburger", which is apparently too long a word for people to pronounce completely. Anyways, the word is used so prominently that it requires truncation anyhow: Hamburgers are of course the popular food which often symbolizes for our overweight society.

Furthermore, it just sounds like sloth. BER-GHER. The more you say it, the worse it sounds.

Also, it reminds me of the first pornographic movie I watched when I was just a wee-lad; it was called Furburgers. It took place in a drive-through bergher joint. You want fries with that? Hooooo! Side of mayonaise? Hoooo! Hold the pickles? Hoooo! Gross, right!

Whether or not the word burger evokes images of overweight debauchery or d-grade cheese porn, it's pretty disgusting, so, I kick it to curb. Later!

win

The polar cousin of fail is win.

Both of these words were borne on the Internets and are therefore rooted in prepubescent subculture.

If you ever say "[something] is win", then you've already lost.

Once again, the echo chamber of society popularizes mantras that are propagated naturally and used unthinkingly.

Let's strive for a better world by not saying dumb things every one else says, because everyone else is the enemy. Intelligence; use it or lose it!

fail

Ok, so I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. This implies a negative connotation unless you love pulpy orange juice, then you'd be stoked. Anyways:

The word fail. Used too much these days. So, eff the word and eff the users. If you haven't picked up on it already, the premise behind many sucking words is that people use them because other people use them. That'd be fine if most people weren't reltatively stupid. Sure, I'm putting on airs here, but 50% of the people in America have IQs less than 100, something like 84% have IQs less than 115. Okay, that's pretty dumb. My IQ is like, HELLA HIGH!

So, if you are using words or colloquialisms because other people use them and they're somehow entrenched in your vernacular, take a step back, and realize that you're molding yourself after people who are probably somewhat dull. It's lame to be an elitist, which I'm doing now, so I apologize. I'm being smug and douchebaggish, but there are better--more articulate, more individualistic--ways to express something that's gone horribly awry, as opposed to using some anachronism popularized by 15-year-olds five years ago.

 

 

Elusive

Next up is this word: elusive. It must die.

This is due, in large part, to Joe Rogan’s ostentatious and superfluous (speaking of which, using two long words that essentially mean the same thing IS the definition of each word!) use of the word during mixed-martial arts broadcasts. So, my annoyance is somewhat niche.

The straight truth is that whenever someone analyzes UFC light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida they say “Omgosh, he’s so elusive,” regurgitating the adjective Rogan uses endlessly to describe him.

Again, the effect snowballs, and now, the word must cease to be a word, remaining only a vague memory of disconnected symbols.

Elusive. Evasive. Use the one that gets used less often. It helps to educate those people who would otherwise unthinkingly use the other word… what was it?

I can’t.. elu… elus… elucidate what it was. Honk honk!

Here's a link to a thread on the foremost mixed-martial arts forum lampooning the excessive use of the word on UFC's broadcasts. Apparently these fans are playing a drinking game, imbibing each time the commentators use the word.

For counterargument's sake, here's Lyoto getting lamped by Shogun Rua:

Here's Lyoto elucidating his defensive style:

Plethora

This week, I will be abolishing a couple more words from our collective lexicon. First up is this word: plethora.

Why plethora? Because there are zounds of words that mean the same thing, but no one uses anything but plethora.

Off the top of my head, here are some synonyms: myriad, zounds, legions, an abundance, innumerable. Okay, so I can’t recall a lot of them.

But, here are some more: surfeit, deluge, plenty, surplus, bounty.

So, quite simply, there are many different colorful words to express the same thing. But most people just use plethora, which causes most other people to use plethora. It perpetuates itself. I’m tellin’ ya, that’s how evil this word is. It self-multiplies!

Avoid mob mentality; use different words. Especially synonyms that may or may not exist, like googleplex, because, at the very least, you are provoking thought from your listeners, and keeping your own brain warmed up.

Whilst

The second word to be obliterated from popular discourse is whilst.

If you use whilst, it's because you're probably a writer, and you think you are invoking Shakespeare. Well, good game, because you just exposed yourself as a huge tool. I don't care if you are British, American, or from down under--or all three, like me--the word "whilst" should stay precisely where you retrieve it from: your arse.

Let's be fair: there's no person who thinks in whilst. Let's examine the thought-process behind using the word. Imagine you're writing:

"So there I was, mowing the lawn..."

I was going to write while, but instead I'll write whilst, because it's avant-garde and sophisticated.

"So there I was, mowing the lawn whilst smoking a fag."

Notice the intentional use of another British anachronism and the resulting subtext.

This reminds me of another popular sophism: declaring whether or not your puns are intended. This embodies the same principle as writing whilst instead of while. It wastes time and distracts the reader.



So there you have it. Declaring your puns is lame. Using the word whilst, equally. Why? The crux is simply because you are wasting time trying to be clever. The world would be a better place if more people were like Jack Kerouac, and didn't filter (or attempt to augment) their thoughts with superficies.

So, begone whilst, ye arbitrary Olde English device, less thee shall.. you get the point.